Birds, Boats, and More
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? - Matthew 6:26
Hi friends!
So these little babies are in a nest right outside my office window. It has been so cool to watch mommy and daddy bird build this nest and now take care of their little ones. In this season of so many unknowns, it has been such a sweet reminder of the Lord's provision. He sees their needs and feeds them. If the Lord sees these little creatures, how much more does He see and take care of us, the very creatures He has made in His own image?
It has been kind of difficult to get around to everyone who has been asking about how our visit to Spokane went. So many people have been praying or us and it is so very appreciated! So if you are wanting to hear about our trip...keep reading! If not...feel free to close the window. I'll never know ;)
I am just going to start off by saying that I was super nervous about visiting our soon to be home. I seems like I randomly get hit with the reality that we aren't just talking about this neat sounding idea anymore. I ugly cried when I told my mom and brother goodbye on our way to the airport. This is really happening.
I was nervous that I would hate it. That it wouldn't feel like home. That it really wouldn't be as beautiful and awesome as everyone (myself included) kept telling me that it would be. I was right and wrong about each of those feelings.
We had 3 connecting flights- Greenville, Atlanta, Seattle, and then to Spokane. I am so thankful that the Lord gave us smooth travels there with no missed flights or lost luggage. We arrived in Spokane at about 2pm or so and then checked into our hotel. We dropped off our bags and went to grab lunch at Panera Bread. I think at this point reality hit both of us again and we were unsure on how to deal with what we were feeling. I don't think either one of us has ever had to deal with that type of emotion before, and I cannot exactly put into words what those emotions felt like. Expect for the fact that I was super self conscious of my southern accent. I guess that's good enough explanation for now.
Despite all of the weird feels, we spent the rest of the afternoon exploring Coeur d'Alene. It is such a beautiful lake town 30 minutes away from Spokane right over the border into Idaho. Best part? It was like 85 degrees outside.....with ZERO humidity. Is that even a thing??? It is in the PNW (that's what the cool kids call the Pacific North West. You've been warned) and it is seriously the best! We didn't sweat at all and we were wearing jeans and t-shirts. We had all intentions of eating outside at a nice restaurant...but thanks to bad stomach cramps I had been having all day, we called it a day, picked up dinner, and ate in our hotel room.
The next day Jonathan had meetings at Moody. We got the typical campus tour and had great conversations with the guy on staff about the area. The Moody campus in Spokane actually shares a building with a large church in town. Pretty cool I thought...after the initial confusion when the GPS brought us into the parking of some random church parking lot. When we had our meeting with the financial aid department, that is when things got interesting. It was in that meeting that we learned that we made too much last year (I am still so incredibly baffled by this...) and that we do not qualify for any financial aid. After learning the amount that we would have pay per month, we were both left pretty defeated and frustrated.
How could this happen? There was no way we could swing it financially. Why would God bring us this far and allow this news?
After the meeting we got lunch before my interview. I changed into my big girl clothes in the bathroom of Qdoba. Looking back now that was pretty hilarious and I am super glad that they had an abnormally nice bathroom. My interview went great but the position needed to be filled before we moved of course, which I had already kind of expected. Good news is- the lady who did my interview said that she does not think that it will be very difficult for me to find a job once we move with my experience.
Jonathan picked me up afterwards and we went straight back to the hotel. My mind was obviously distracted at the interview, but Jonathan had time to process the ugly fact that we could not afford for him to go to Moody full time all things remaining the same. My heart ached seeing my husband hit a low I haven't witnessed in a long time, and feeling like I had no words to make the situation any less heavy. By this time it was about 4:50. We had our next meeting to look at an apartment at 5:15. Just for kicks, we figured that we would go look at it anyway, not really believing that it would lead to anything given the news we were given just hours before.
We got to the apartment and met the couple who had been renting the apartment, both recently graduating from Moody. We instantly clicked. I could go down a list of at least 10 things in common we had with them, but for the sake of this post already being a novel, I will refrain from listing all of them (you're welcome). We had the best conversations from our philosophies of ministry and business, to what I believe was a God sent conversation about the will of God.
Through this conversation we were reminded that the will of God is not an answer to a question. It is not some secret you have to discover. It is not something that you can somehow miss or screw up. The will of God is a lifestyle that you live out. If you are seeking Him wholeheartedly, that IS His will. Can we just pause for a moment and embrace the freedom in that statement??
Those hours we spent with Aaron and Allison shifted the feelings from defeat to determination for us. No longer were we asking, “God why would you allow this to happen?” but “OK, God. Regardless of this bump we are going to keep moving forward in this direction you’ve pointed us in.”
Jonathan and I know that our move to Spokane is so much more than just him taking classes at Moody. No matter what happens, whether that means taking classes at Moody full time, part time, or even at another college in town...It is more about us walking in obedience to our Father. Continuing to move forward until we sense Him moving us elsewhere. The message that Pastor David gave last week confirmed this even more. We can allow the fear of the unknown to paralyze us. It can cause us to slam on the brakes and bow out before the Lord is finished working. We don’t have all of our questions answered. We don’t have a map planned out with every detail marked.
And we are finally coming to place where we are OK with that.
“Sounds pretty reckless if you ask me, Amber.”
Um YEA! Tell me about it!
Up until this season in my life, following Jesus has been comfortable. Obviously my flesh and sin are always causing me to fall over and over again, but let’s be honest….I fall over and over again in the security that my life offered in that moment. Now, following Jesus is not just what I say or think in my head. Following Him in this season means putting action to our beliefs about Him, and jumping out of the boat. Jumping into those raging waters of the unknown, and clinging to Him with everything.
Side note- please don’t hear me say that you have to move clear across the US to “jump out of the boat”. Your jumping out of the boat may be you asking the Lord to give you the courage to speak up in a conversation, or loving/respecting your spouse when they don’t deserve it, or maybe even forgiving someone for the 7th time they’ve hurt you. And you know what….those small acts of obedience are just as important to the Lord as the seemingly “big” ones.
So yea. That is about it for now I think. Our trip was great! We had a great time. Met lots of awesome people. Pretty sure we found an apartment. Explored some of the area.
We still have some unknowns. We are still moving forward. We are still jumping out of the boat.
And we are much, much more valuable than little birds.
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